1 00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:07,217 Gentlemen, your morning mail, 2 00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:09,152 Interdepartmental chazerai, 3 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,553 And the gift of life. 4 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,122 What is it? 5 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,656 The bulletproof vests Have finally arrived. 6 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,958 Oh, good. 7 00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,060 Weren't those ordered About two years ago? 8 00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:18,450 So they're a little early. 9 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:22,966 I don't want to wear mine. 10 00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:25,135 Come on, you haven't Even tried it on yet. 11 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:28,739 Ah. For work or play. 12 00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:30,106 Well, I will admit 13 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:32,776 They're not up to your Normal sartorial standards, 14 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,146 But, uh... It could Save your life. 15 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,247 Well... 16 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,216 Maybe I could just walk Behind someone else 17 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,285 Who's wearing one. 18 00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:45,621 Thing is, barn, I've Worn them before. 19 00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:48,624 And they're heavy. And they're... They're... 20 00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,360 You can't move around in them. 21 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,628 You can only sweat like a pig. 22 00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:54,164 Sergeant, they've Been redesigned. 23 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,632 The vests have been Downsized for '81. 24 00:00:56,656 --> 00:00:58,034 Yeah? 25 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,469 Should I put it on, sir? 26 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:00,893 Yeah, go ahead. 27 00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,208 The, uh... 28 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:10,680 The attractive velcro Straps fasten easily... 29 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:15,152 Creating a secure Yet comfortable fit, 30 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:18,654 Allowing for maximum Freedom of movement 31 00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:21,124 Yet complete Personal protection, 32 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:24,260 Whether in the office, In the car, or on the go, 33 00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:26,784 Making that really Important collar. 34 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,922 It was in the brochure. 35 00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:34,504 So do we have to wear them? 36 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,339 No, you don't have to wear them. 37 00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:37,774 They're not mandatory. 38 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,443 But they do make Very good sense. 39 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,513 Why don't you pass Out the rest of them? 40 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,947 - that's it, sir. - what? 41 00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:47,283 All the rest of the Vests haven't arrived yet. 42 00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:50,086 So for the time being you're Going to have to share this one. 43 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,822 Oh, great. 44 00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:53,123 Got it. 45 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,959 Uh, barn, that was an Office building over on 6th. 46 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,660 They got a guy with a gun. 47 00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,563 All right, you and wojo. I'll Call dispatch for a backup. 48 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:01,731 Right. 49 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,533 So you guys want to use this? 50 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,068 - nah. - nah. 51 00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:07,172 - oh, yeah, all right. - well, all right. 52 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,597 Well, we'll work It out in the car. 53 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,351 - sir. - hmm? 54 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,153 I managed a slight reallocation. 55 00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,955 Oh, good. 56 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,157 Four detectives, four vests. 57 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,424 Good work, levitt. 58 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,727 And you still had enough To go around downstairs. 59 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,631 Uh, don't worry about that, sir. 60 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,999 Does everyone Downstairs have a vest? 61 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,802 You're detectives. You Deserve the first crack at living. 62 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,537 Levitt, how many vests Have you got downstairs? 63 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,839 Five vests. 64 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,175 - for 36 cops? - that's okay, sir. 65 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,244 We're going to rotate Them among the married men. 66 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,546 With children. 67 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,949 Look, uh, I... I don't Really need one. 68 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,150 Take them downstairs. 69 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,452 Sir, you're the captain. 70 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,586 You have to set an example. 71 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,388 I'm aware of that, but I... 72 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,390 I hardly go out On calls anymore. 73 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,926 That's true. But you do go Out for your paper every day, 74 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:12,195 And there's a lot of weirdos 75 00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,463 That hang out at Those newsstands. 76 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,420 - levitt... - I'd feel better. 77 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,437 All right, come on Inside, mr. Thompson. 78 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,172 Easy for you to say. 79 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,974 The sweat and toil Of your imagination 80 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,878 Isn't being raped and plundered. 81 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,279 - barn. - mm-hmm. 82 00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,614 This is arthur thompson... 83 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:34,016 Trespassing and destruction Of private property. 84 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,751 Hey, that looks nice. 85 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,587 Barn, could we get On with this, please? 86 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,855 Excuse me. 87 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:42,558 We picked him up in an Office over on 6th, barn. 88 00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,794 It was a company Called inventrex. 89 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,062 A bunch of thieves. 90 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,631 He was threatening the Receptionist with this .22. 91 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:51,166 I tried calling, but no One was ever in for me. 92 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:53,703 They're too busy Stealing my inspiration. 93 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,170 Inspiration? 94 00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:57,139 Mr. Thompson is an inventor. 95 00:04:57,163 --> 00:05:02,112 I have over 115 Patents... Pending. 96 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:05,281 See, apparently, people Take their ideas to inventrex, 97 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,450 And then inventrex Charges them a fee 98 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,485 To market and develop it. 99 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,921 Mr. Thompson says They're trying to cheat him. 100 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,789 It's nothing new. 101 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,925 Remember the guy who Invented that screwdriver? 102 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,860 Department store gave Him a couple of bucks, 103 00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:20,163 Then they made a Fortune for themselves. 104 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,632 That's not gonna happen to me. 105 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,468 I take it that's, Uh... His invention. 106 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,236 Oh, the contents of this bag 107 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,439 Will change the lives Of millions of people. 108 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,463 What is it? 109 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:32,898 Show him. 110 00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:43,620 This will be one of the Greatest boons to mankind 111 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,422 Since penicillin. 112 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,789 What is it? 113 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,992 Tan-alert. 114 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,559 Right. 115 00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:52,328 You take it with you When you got to the beach 116 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,596 Or when you lay out on the roof. 117 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:54,998 You see... 118 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:58,467 You attach these Sensors to your forehead, 119 00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:01,704 Your stomach, your legs, And other exposed areas. 120 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:04,941 Then you set this dial For skin tolerance. 121 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,577 Then, even if you fall asleep, 122 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:11,903 The warning box buzzes when You're in danger of sunburning. 123 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,354 I know what's going Through everybody's mind... 124 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,623 "Why didn't I think of that?" 125 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,814 I could kick myself. 126 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,630 Harris, you want to take Care of mr. Thompson? 127 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,499 Oh, thank you, barney. 128 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:32,156 Mr. Thompson, you want to Take a seat over here, please? 129 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,640 Good afternoon, gentlemen. 130 00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,176 - inspector. - inspector. 131 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,712 Bang bang, you're dead, har. 132 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,682 Didn't have your vest on. 133 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,784 Oh. That'll teach me. 134 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,920 Yeah. No, you should really Wear it all the time, har. 135 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,789 You never know when some lunatic 136 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,490 Might come right Through that door. 137 00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:57,259 Not unless you call first. 138 00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,829 What brings you down, inspector? 139 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:02,364 Huh? Oh, hi, barney. 140 00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:03,833 Oh, yeah. 141 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:07,403 Well, I see the blue knights Got their suits of armor, huh? 142 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,706 Oh, yeah, they were Delivered today. 143 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,675 Yeah, the department's Really pushing them, barn. 144 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:14,844 Hopefully, they'll Save some lives. 145 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,579 Oh, yeah, sure. 146 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:20,015 I remember a couple of years Back, a cop over in queens. 147 00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:22,418 He was wearing a vest. 148 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,321 He walks in on a 10-30 In progress, you know? 149 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:26,822 So the guy lets him have it... 150 00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:30,460 Six shots, point-blank Range, right in the chest. 151 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,629 Never even left a bruise. 152 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:33,963 - really? - yeah. 153 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,298 But then the thug Takes the empty gun, 154 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:39,301 He throws it at him, hits Him right in the temple. 155 00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:41,192 Dropped dead on the spot. 156 00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,641 Thank you for sharing That with us, inspector. 157 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,809 Ah, forget it, barn. It Was a freak accident. 158 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,813 One in a million, you know? Could happen to anybody. 159 00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:52,615 But the big brass downtown Would like you fellas 160 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,485 To wear your vests at all times. 161 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:59,522 Personally, I think if a Bullet's got your name on it, 162 00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:03,660 It's gonna find you, no Matter what you're wearing. 163 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:07,396 So what brings you Down, inspector, hmm? 164 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,831 Oh. Oh, yeah. 165 00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:12,635 I come down to get a little Info on you guys for my files. 166 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:13,903 Wojo: what for? 167 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:17,707 Oh, you know, for the Tv, the media, newspapers. 168 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,677 In case one of you should Do anything heroic, you know, 169 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,912 Like pull a kid out Of a burning building 170 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,648 Or maybe rescue a hostage, 171 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,885 The public's gonna want to Know a little more about you. 172 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,152 I see. 173 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,354 And if it comes to the worst, 174 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,623 We're gonna want to Know about you, too. 175 00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:37,494 How many you left behind. 176 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,962 The address for The memorial fund. 177 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,265 Stuff like that, barn. 178 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,401 I'm sure we'll all be Thrilled to cooperate. 179 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,502 Good. Thanks, barn. 180 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,604 I thought we'd Go alphabetically. 181 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:51,707 Uh... Arthur. 182 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,478 We'll start off With you, huh, d.D.? 183 00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:56,980 Why don't you have A seat, inspector? 184 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,649 Thank you. 185 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,917 This ought to work. 186 00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:03,253 Pencil. 187 00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,354 I thought we'd Kick it off, d.D., 188 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:09,758 By finding out a little About your childhood. 189 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:13,496 It was the best of times, It was the worst of times. 190 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,199 Hey, hold it, hold It. Not so fast. 191 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:19,935 Best... Best of times... 192 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:21,270 And by my late teens, 193 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,372 The writings of Schopenhauer and kant 194 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,509 Began to dominate my Epistemological outlook, 195 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,310 Almost to the point of excluding 196 00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:30,446 The consideration of Any other viewpoint, 197 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:34,205 With the exception of Certain aphorisms of nietzsche. 198 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,989 I asked you if you had any pets. 199 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,490 Ant farm. 200 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:42,525 Good. 201 00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,827 Thank you for your trouble. 202 00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:47,496 Got enough here for a novel. 203 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,120 Anytime, inspector. 204 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,472 Okay, I think I'm Ready for you now. 205 00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,107 Uh, right, inspector. 206 00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:01,410 Uh, here you go. I think This should cover it. 207 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,679 What is it? 208 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,113 It's my dewar's profile. 209 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:07,038 - no kidding. - yeah. 210 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,643 "Last book read... Mine." 211 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,991 I checked out Thompson for priors. 212 00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,993 - and? - he's clean. 213 00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:19,162 Okay. 214 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:22,731 Then I, uh, checked Out this inventrex. 215 00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:26,001 - mm-hmm. - the fee that they Charged thompson 216 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,337 Is $2,100. 217 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,005 To develop tan-alert? 218 00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:32,808 Yeah. And in the last two years, 219 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,500 They've had a couple of Dozen complaints against them. 220 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,582 Talk to anyone from the company? 221 00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,284 No, but the guy That runs the joint 222 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:44,109 Is coming down here to press Charges against thompson. 223 00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,545 Let me know when he gets here. 224 00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,538 Come on, tell the Truth. What do you think? 225 00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,035 Well, there's definitely A feeling of security. 226 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,170 Uh-huh. 227 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,005 Then again, it's a Constant reminder 228 00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:04,869 Of what it's there to prevent. 229 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,812 What scares me is that A little thing like this 230 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,081 Can be the difference Between living and dying. 231 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,449 Well, I've been Thinking about it, 232 00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:15,985 And you know what Occurred to me? 233 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,319 What? 234 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,522 The contract to make them Went to the lowest bidder. 235 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:22,391 That's very profound. 236 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,860 Got a call from dispatch. 237 00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,395 Somebody's barricaded In an apartment 238 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,563 With a couple of rifles. 239 00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,231 Wojo, break out some weapons. 240 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,233 And I want to see Everyone in their vests. 241 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,803 I'll call the cleaners. 242 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,004 Good. 243 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,206 Barn, they've cordoned Off the streets, 244 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,008 And kogan is sending In some squad cars. 245 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,076 Let me know as soon as They set up a command post. 246 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,212 Right. Hey, barn, you sure You don't want to come along? 247 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,415 You're all dressed for it. 248 00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:46,938 Just kidding. 249 00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:54,123 Okay, wojo, you're in the box. 250 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,158 Uh, inspector, I got a call. 251 00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,359 Oh, come on. 252 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,128 Can't you give me a Little something now? 253 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,264 I mean, in case Something happens. 254 00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:04,255 I got to break out some weapons. 255 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,727 He loved guns. 256 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,112 Look, ma'am... 257 00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:20,082 I'm sorry you had to evacuate Your place of business, 258 00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,617 But I'm sure you can understand 259 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,574 That it was for your own safety. 260 00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:28,391 I don't like putting 16 Girls out of work, either, 261 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:31,360 But hopefully the situation Will clear up shortly 262 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,304 And you'll all be Able to go back. 263 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,954 I appreciate your Patience, madam. 264 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,659 No, just a lucky guess. 265 00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:46,742 Any news from the front, barn? 266 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,378 Still a standoff. 267 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:50,913 I could clean out my wallet. 268 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,381 That would kill a couple hours. 269 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,918 Hey, I'm sorry this has Hung you up, inspector. 270 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,487 Oh, come on, barney. Forget it. 271 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,689 Some crazy freak with a rifle... 272 00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:03,626 What does he care about People who got to make deadlines? 273 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,462 He probably just wants to Waste a couple of cops, you know, 274 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:07,696 To get his name in the paper. 275 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,565 You know the story, barney. 276 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,167 "I heard voices." 277 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:13,902 So then they put Him in the fruit bin. 278 00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:17,706 He's out in a couple of months And writes a best-seller. 279 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,309 But as long as we Got some time, barney, 280 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:23,712 I could pick up a little More info on you, huh? 281 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:24,780 Here. 282 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,215 Of course, there's not too much 283 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,817 I don't already Know about you, barn. 284 00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:33,456 Born bernard miller, 24 years on the nypd. 285 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,626 Married. Lovely wife elizabeth. 286 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:40,530 Father of two fine Children, david and lisa. 287 00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:42,097 That's rachael. 288 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:44,566 Rachael. Of course, barney. 289 00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,257 Rachael. 290 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:51,106 Yeah, but I kind of enjoy It, you know, barney... 291 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,408 Chatting with all the cops, 292 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,911 Finding out about their Families and their backgrounds, 293 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:59,181 All the interesting Things they've done. 294 00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:01,250 Course, it makes my life story 295 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,752 Sound like something The cat dragged in. 296 00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,254 Oh, come on, inspector. 297 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,655 Ah, but I suppose, barney, 298 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:10,126 There's hundreds of People whose obituaries 299 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:14,030 Could be written on the back Of a chewing-gum wrapper. 300 00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:18,500 Oh, come on. You've Had a long and full life. 301 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,003 Full? 302 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,804 No kids, no wife. 303 00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:25,441 It's very full. 304 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:29,345 You had a distinguished Career. You've got many friends. 305 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,349 Oh, no. No friends, barney. 306 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:37,686 Acquaintances, maybe. Co-workers, yeah. 307 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,323 People who suffer the Company of the old inspector 308 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:42,991 Because he's an old inspector. 309 00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,993 That's silly. 310 00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:47,729 I know it's hard for you To understand, barney. 311 00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:50,566 Your life's been so marvelous. 312 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,334 Well, I'd hardly go that far. 313 00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:53,970 You don't have to humor me. 314 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,471 I'm not, believe me. 315 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:59,108 I'm not complaining, but my Life has hardly been marvelous. 316 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:02,844 Believe me, I've had My share of problems. 317 00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:07,838 Financial setbacks... Marital difficulties. 318 00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,508 That's true. 319 00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:13,389 Problems with the kids... 320 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,192 Always problems with the kids. 321 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,783 And my career hasn't exactly Been the sky rocket to the top. 322 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:25,556 Turned down for deputy Inspector three times. 323 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,762 24 years on the force... 324 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:35,044 And nothing's any better Than the day I started. 325 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,568 Come on, cheer up, barney. 326 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,784 Sir, a mr. Norvis from Inventrex is here to see you. 327 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,519 Excuse me, inspector. 328 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:44,853 Sure. 329 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,022 Mr. Thompson, believe me. 330 00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:49,458 Your product is still in The development stage. 331 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,159 And where will it be Tomorrow, bloomingdale's... 332 00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,995 Only called "Beach buzzer"? 333 00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:54,396 I'm captain miller. 334 00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:55,664 John norvis, inventrex, inc. 335 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,099 I'm here to sign that complaint. 336 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,868 I must say, captain, that Mr. Thompson's actions 337 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:01,670 Are totally inexplicable to me. 338 00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:04,840 Well, he seems to feel you've Been trying to defraud him. 339 00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,374 That's ridiculous. 340 00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:08,510 So why won't you Answer my calls? 341 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,746 Because I have Nothing to say to you. 342 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,949 Mr. Thompson's device is Still being examined and tested 343 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,319 By our trained Examiners and testers. 344 00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:19,522 I'm sure you're Aware, mr. Norvis, 345 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,189 That there have been Many other complaints 346 00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:22,625 Against your company. 347 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,528 So I'm not the first Inventor you've ripped off. 348 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,696 Captain, I assure you... 349 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:32,067 Inventrex is not in the practice Of stealing people's ideas. 350 00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:35,504 I'm not talking about ideas. I'm talking about money. 351 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:36,972 Oh. 352 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,441 It is the policy of inventrex To accept for consideration 353 00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,877 Only those items we believe Have a genuine potential. 354 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:45,380 But at the same time, we Cannot guarantee success. 355 00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:46,581 The fee we charge... 356 00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:49,451 $2,100 in mr. Thompson's case. 357 00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:52,621 Yes, but that's simply to Cover our in-house costs... 358 00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:55,390 Blueprints, mockups, Analysis and surveys 359 00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:57,654 To determine the potential Market for the product. 360 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,231 And what would you say 361 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:06,969 Is the potential Market for tan-alert? 362 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,305 It's wide open. 363 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:13,008 I mean, mr. Thompson's Device is certainly something 364 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,311 That would be Purchased by anyone 365 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,713 Who's been out in The sun too long. 366 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:18,936 Right! 367 00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,918 Just out of Curiosity, mr. Norvis, 368 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:25,755 What other inventions Have you brought to market? 369 00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:28,690 Oh, we have many, Many in development. 370 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,425 In development? 371 00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,494 These things don't Blossom overnight, captain. 372 00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:33,896 It's a lengthy process. 373 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:38,300 We have feasibility Studies, patent searches. 374 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:41,125 Silly putty took six years. 375 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,707 What you're actually Saying, mr. Norvis, 376 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,877 Is that you've never Actually marketed anything. 377 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,281 But we're very close On a number of products. 378 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:55,250 Our combination mango Carver and potato juicer 379 00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:57,308 Should be on the Shelves any day now. 380 00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:01,991 You know, there are Those who might say 381 00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,826 That you're really In the business 382 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:07,563 Of exploiting people's Delusions to make a quick buck. 383 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,533 - I don't view it In that light, captain. - come on. 384 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,468 You know and I know That nobody wants, 385 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,002 Nobody needs, nobody's gonna buy 386 00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:17,539 A combination mango Carver and potato juicer 387 00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:20,676 Any more than a cockamamie Item like tan-alert. 388 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:21,766 Huh? 389 00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,717 I don't know that That's true, captain. 390 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:32,288 However, it's possible We may have misjudged 391 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,690 The current market for Mr. Thompson's device. 392 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:38,227 And as we are an honest and Conscientious organization, 393 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:40,796 Which doesn't want any trouble, 394 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,788 We'd be happy to Forget the entire matter. 395 00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:47,669 And refund mr. Thompson's fee. 396 00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,738 Fine. 397 00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,263 If there's nothing Else, I'll be on my way. 398 00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,548 I'm sorry things didn't Work out, mr. Thompson. 399 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,539 Yeah. Right. 400 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:03,885 Bye, captain. 401 00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,654 Mr. Norvis. 402 00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:06,910 You know, captain... 403 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:12,995 Maybe we are in the business Of exploiting people's delusions. 404 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,629 But at least we're Not in the business 405 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:17,388 Of destroying people's dreams. 406 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:29,912 Uh, they're dropping charges. 407 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,648 And you'll be getting Your money back. 408 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,705 I heard. 409 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,855 So am I free to go now? 410 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,489 I'm afraid not. 411 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:42,925 There's still that Weapons charge. 412 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,560 You have to be Arraigned on that. 413 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:47,384 Oh. I understand. 414 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,354 Listen, I want to thank you. 415 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:53,802 Yeah. 416 00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:57,039 It's not everyone who Would go out of his way 417 00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,996 To do what you did. 418 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,000 I know I wouldn't. 419 00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:08,751 I really didn't mean to put Everyone to all this trouble. 420 00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:10,452 Oh, it broke up the day. 421 00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:12,354 For this we evacuated a block? 422 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,089 Uh-huh. 423 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,625 Wasn't easy, but we nailed it. 424 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:20,663 It's miss dorothy st. Clair, Wanted for nonpayment of rent. 425 00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:23,731 I didn't realize it was Such a serious infraction, 426 00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:25,968 But, then, I've only Been paying rent 427 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,569 For such a short time. 428 00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:30,205 Until recently, miss St. Clair was a resident 429 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,340 Of the east side Psychiatric center. 430 00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,276 She was released As part of a program 431 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:37,579 To integrate patients Back into the community. 432 00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:40,037 I believe it's called "Dumping." 433 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,652 What happened? 434 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,587 Well, apparently, miss st. Clair 435 00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:47,556 Was late with her rent payment. 436 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,158 The landlord threatened To lock her out. 437 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,193 So she told him She had a deer rifle 438 00:20:52,217 --> 00:20:54,096 And a sawed-off shotgun. 439 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,299 In reality, I have neither. 440 00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:59,267 Oh, hello again. 441 00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:00,357 Yeah, hi. 442 00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:04,206 I locked up the weapons. 443 00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,708 Anyway, when we got there, 444 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:09,077 We surrounded the apartment And tried to talk her out. 445 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,747 They threatened me. 446 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,349 But what did you say you're Gonna blow our heads off for? 447 00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:18,720 It seemed to be what You wanted to hear. 448 00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:20,755 Then what happened? 449 00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,626 After about a half hour, We still got no response, 450 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,327 So we lobbed some tear gas in. 451 00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:26,594 We had to break down her door. 452 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,397 She was sitting in Front of the television, 453 00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:29,898 Watching her Favorite soap opera. 454 00:21:29,922 --> 00:21:33,202 If you miss even one day, You can be lost forever. 455 00:21:33,226 --> 00:21:34,502 I know. 456 00:21:34,526 --> 00:21:36,604 Miss st. Clair, I'm Afraid we're gonna need 457 00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:37,673 Some more information. 458 00:21:37,697 --> 00:21:39,274 Oh, I understand. 459 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,244 Harris, would you do the honors? 460 00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:44,312 Uh, miss st. Clair, 461 00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:47,082 Would you have a seat Right over here, please? 462 00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:48,783 Oh, thank you. 463 00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:50,407 Why, surely. 464 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:56,724 Could I offer you a Cup of coffee or tea? 465 00:21:56,748 --> 00:21:59,594 Tea would be lovely, thank you. 466 00:21:59,618 --> 00:22:01,163 You know, sergeant, 467 00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:05,756 I have always been dependent On the kindness of strangers. 468 00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:09,838 Didn't blanche dubois say that? 469 00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:11,762 Not to me. 470 00:22:16,302 --> 00:22:18,981 Now that the A-team has returned, 471 00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:20,448 I'll be heading back downstairs. 472 00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:23,418 Thank you for coming up, levitt. 473 00:22:23,442 --> 00:22:25,309 - hey, levitt? - yeah. 474 00:22:30,216 --> 00:22:33,962 Anybody downstairs needs A vest, they can have mine. 475 00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:35,563 Feeling lucky, sergeant? 476 00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:37,199 Something wrong, wojo? 477 00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:39,823 Uh, no, nothing. I... 478 00:22:41,627 --> 00:22:43,605 I just don't like the Way it makes me feel. 479 00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:45,640 Itchy? 480 00:22:45,664 --> 00:22:47,064 Invincible. 481 00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:50,913 Really, barn, I don't know About anybody else, okay? 482 00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:52,848 But when I put that thing on, 483 00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:55,250 I feel like some Kind of supercop, 484 00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:57,741 Like I ought to have a Big "W" on me or something. 485 00:23:02,448 --> 00:23:06,995 If I... If I start feeling Like I can't get hurt, 486 00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:10,154 Then I forget that maybe I Could hurt somebody else. 487 00:23:13,692 --> 00:23:14,692 Sir? 488 00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:19,296 It's up to sergeant Wojciehowicz. 489 00:23:23,302 --> 00:23:24,435 Levitt. 490 00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:28,505 You can have mine, too. 491 00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:32,709 Doesn't fit philosophically. 492 00:23:35,314 --> 00:23:36,992 What about you, sergeant? 493 00:23:37,016 --> 00:23:38,493 Don't let peer Pressure force you 494 00:23:38,517 --> 00:23:41,129 Into a foolish show of bravado. 495 00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:43,298 You can have this one, levitt. 496 00:23:43,322 --> 00:23:44,900 It's a little large. 497 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,135 Well, you can, you Know, make yourself 498 00:23:47,159 --> 00:23:49,526 A pair of those little Britches out of what's left. 499 00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:59,369 So... Decided to live Dangerously, huh? 500 00:24:00,539 --> 00:24:04,853 Bully for you. Its the way to go. 501 00:24:04,877 --> 00:24:06,521 Why, if you put on those things, 502 00:24:06,545 --> 00:24:08,990 It's just the same as Admitting to all that scum 503 00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:11,926 And killers out on the street That you're scared of them... 504 00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:14,830 That you'd rather hide Behind some sissy little apron 505 00:24:14,854 --> 00:24:17,454 Instead of going Down like a real cop! 506 00:24:21,327 --> 00:24:22,426 Levitt!